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. I didn't look any different ... Well, maybe a little.My boobs are a little bigger ... they were bigger than G-mom's when she was 13 anyway. I'll bet that chapped her ass ... LOL. Mom said If I was going to do this ... this retrospective ... I'd have to quit using computer speak.LOL means Laugh Out Loud or Laugh On Line ... depending on where you are. I'm on the computer so I guess it means Laugh On Line ... except ... I did laugh out loud. Mom even asked me what was funny ... and I'm writing this like a journal so I'm not on line.Retrospective means looking at the past ... my past. Introspective means looking inside yourself. I think I'm doing both.I met someone today.I need to look inside myself to see how I feel about that. I need to look back at the day and see why I feel different than this morning.I think I found a friend.He's older ... lots older.He came off the tour boat in a power chair and ran off the slats into the sand. The slats: Daddy and The Twins built a pathway from. " An unexpected "NO!" escaped frommy lips. What kind of a doctor was this? "I'll leave you alone to discussthe situation," said the doctor as she made her way out of the office. I just wanted to curl up and die. But, I couldn't, my babies' lives wereat stake. "Sam, isn't there some way we can do this?" I beggedhelplessly. I noticed that she wasn't moved by my plea. "Sam, those areOUR babies in there. They are a part of us. Sure, it's a shame that ithad to happen now, but how many people try their whole lives and nevermanage to have children at all? In case you haven't noticed, I'll neverbe able to give birth to your babies. I wish with every fiber of my beingthat that wasn't so, but there's nothing I can do to change it."We can make this work somehow. I'll care for them as much as humanlypossible. It won't interfere with your baseball career, I promise! PleaseSam! Not just for me or for you, but for them." There were so many thingsI wanted to say. I wanted to tell her that if she ever.
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